Every year we do this. No other time of year reminds me more of this video than December. People start expecting other people to be more happy and charitable than normal, despite being financially crippled and stressed out by having to buy gifts for everyone and their dog. Traffic is 3x as bad as normal, and nobody seems to remember how the rules of the road are supposed to work. Every radio station is playing the same tired, ANNOYING old songs, redone and restyled by modern artists, or spoofed with new lyrics about rudolph's balls - because it's pure comedy gold of course. Asking how anyone is doing results in an artificial "whee! XX days till shitmas!" (Why are you so excited anyway? Do you answer the same way a week before your OWN birthday?)
I'm not sure where to even begin with why all of this irritates me so much. Maybe it's because I recognize that most people who celebrate don't even give a crap the occasion it's supposed to commemorate anyway, it's just a big fake love fest for no real reason. Of course everyone has to spout their personal philosophy on the 'meaning' of shitmas, as though a time of year can 'mean' anything in a greater sense anyway. More likely it's because I see shitmas as little more than a huge cash grab for the retail and travel industries. During this time of year people buy all kinds of shit they don't want, and that in fact nobody wants, but they just gotta getta gift, right?
"Look little johnny, I got you a crappy plastic thing for $100 that will likely break on the first day!"
"Look Mr. [I don't really know you but I feel the need to waste my money on you anyway] here is a back massager, because I saw it on sale and I was sure I could make myself feel good by wasting my money on it. Now you feel bad because you didn't get me anything, right? and you're wondering whether that box will fit in with this week's garbage!"
It's like a money wasting contest.
Of course, this time of year you also have to drive by the church billboards demanding that we put "Christ back in shitmas" As if Jesus Christ has anything to do with shitmas anymore... what is it, 1910? Even the people who go to midnight masses and celebrate the day as the Birthday of Christ are mostly ignorant of the fact that Dec 25 is not actually the historical date of his alleged birth, but a day someone decided to start celebrating as his birthday somewhere around 350 years after the alleged zombie jesus incident.
People call me a scrooge, and make fun of me for being annoyed with the disgusting waste this season represents:
- Wasted energy on shitmas lights and driving around for hours to find the perfect shitmas gift;
- Wasted time wrapping gifts, decorating [and un-decorating], and driving around for hours shopping;
- Wasted MONEY on just about everything you can imagine;
- Wasted effort spent inventing the newest shiny thing everyone will want to buy for shitmas instead of building something useful,
- Wasted health stressing about everything mentioned above,
- Thousands of Tonnes of Wasted, colored, non-recycled paper tossed in the garbage;
- Wasted rage spent writing internet blogs on the matter...
Why can't we just have a nice, secular winter break with a couple stat holidays and lose the theological debates, the hype, the gifts, the fake smiles, the assholes, and the god damned fucking jingle bells?
